In order to be some1,you must first be urself.

h-anseul:

n0ds:

hipsteer-s:

im-a-survivor-not-a-victim:

Please read and reblog

Hi, my name is Claire and this photo was taken two weeks before I died, for just over a minute. Two weeks before everything I had, everything I was, got beaten out of me, in the most brutal, unforgiving, painful and disgusting way I can imagine. I was 14.

On the 21st of August 2009, I was walking from a friends apartment to my mums office, just two blocks away. It was 8:45pm, dark and raining. The street was pretty empty. I remember the next few hours as clearly as if it were yesterday. The next few hours have been etched into my brain. 

I got half a block away from my friends apartment when I was grabbed from behind. I was pulled into a van that had been parked on the side of the street before I could scream or even think. They blindfolded me, stuffed a piece of fabric in my mouth to gag me and taped my mouth shut. They tied my hands behind my back and bound my ankles. I could hear two men talking and one got out of the back of the van and got in the cab, then we started moving. They drove me for some time, I don’t know how long. I was sobbing and shaking. It felt like a bad dream. I remember thinking that stuff only happened in horror movies.. The fact that it was happening to me was, unreal. All I wanted was to me in my mothers office already, warm and safe. 

After some time they stopped, and when the engine cut out it was quite all around the van. The driver came back into the van, and they took off my blindfold. The interior lights were on and there were no windows. The first man I saw looked as old as my father, the second was a bit younger. The look on the older man’s face will be stuck in my head forever. He looked excited, pleased. The younger man looked at me like I was a piece of meat cooked to his liking.

Then the older man started cutting off my clothing. I could hear my heart beat in my ears, and tears were all down my face. When I started struggling, despite being restrained, they started beating me. The younger man kicked me in the back, right in my kidney. He kept kicking me, as the older man started taking off his pants. It was so painful but I tried not to scream. When I stopped struggling he stopped kicking me. I looked up to see the older man kneel over my face, he was naked from the waist down. He smelled terrible. He said “I’m going to take this out of your mouth, but don’t bother screaming ok honey? No one will hear you anyway.”

He ripped off the tape, laughing at my wincing and pulled the fabric out of my mouth. Before I could swallow his penis was in my mouth and down my throat. The taste almost made me vomit, and he was making me gag. He pulled out and I spat out bile and spit which dribbled down my chin. He entered my mouth again and I did vomit. When I did, he started hitting my face. When he stopped I looked over at the other man and he was masturbating. I had vomit down my face and on my chest. The older man used some of my cut up clothing to wipe it up, and wipe it off him.

Then he pulled me up on my knees, pushed my face into the floor and penetrated me from behind. I was a virgin before that night. The pain was unbearable. He was merciless and not about to stop. I screamed, and the younger man came and started kicking my side again. Then he got down under me and together they “double teamed” me. The pain made me pass out. When I woke up I was being beaten again, and when they saw me gain consciousness they carried on. I screamed and screamed. All I could think about was my mother, and my friend, and if they knew I was gone. All I wanted was the police to bust into the van and take all the pain away. I was so beaten up and hurt I couldn’t bare the pain. I couldn’t deal with it and I wanted to die.

As they raped me, they cut me. They cut my legs, my chest, my stomach. I was bleeding a lot, but I couldn’t really see. One of my eyes was swollen shut. I started coughing up blood and breathing hurt so bad, not to mention the coughing. They ejaculated into me after a while. By then I was so out of it I hardly knew what was happening. I think then they realised how bad I was, and before beating me some more, they got out of the van and started driving again.

I think I must have been alone in the back, and I just let go. I was so tired I felt like I was going to sleep. I woke up when I was being dragged out of the back of the van. I fell onto concrete and it was so bright I was blinded. I heard the van speed off and I knew it was over. I let go then. I felt my heart shudder and stop. I suddenly felt no pain, felt weightless. I was still in my body, it was just like my body had been turned off. It was pure white all around me, and it felt like a dream world. I was floating. There are no words to explain it. Then I fell, with a jolt back into my body. It felt like I had dropped into hell. My body was on fire and everything hurt. I gasped a breath of air and it felt like my rib cage got ripped out. I don’t remember much after that. I only have what I’ve been told.

I had been dropped off outside the emergency room and died on the ground. They estimated my heart had stopped for just over a minute. They resuscitated me, stabilised me, then put me to sleep. I was operated on almost immediately. I had three broken ribs, a collapsed lung, collapsed ear drum, severe blood loss, slightly fractured face below my left eye, a fractured shin, sprained arm muscles, severe abdominal bruising, damaged kidney, ripped and cut rectum and vagina, and deep cuts all over my body. They expected me to die. My injuries were extensive, at the very least. The police searched for these men for a very long time, but found nothing. It was suspected these men where experienced criminals, though their DNA from their semen wasn’t in the system. They were undetectable. 

It took me over a year to recover physically. I’ve had counselling and therapy till this day. I have flash backs and nightmares a lot, but no where near as much as I used to. I’m getting better, slowly. I want people everywhere, guys and girls, to know that it gets better. I was lucky. SO many woman, and men, have been raped worse, and even murdered. This is my message to anyone and everyone who has undergone any kind of rape, sexual abuse or trauma to know that it gets better.It takes a while. But with help, and support you can get through it. It will never go away, but you can learn to control it, learn to live with it. It doesn’t control your life any more and you can move on, and get on with your life. 

I am a survivor, not a victim. Repeat after me. You can be free.

Please reblog this. The people of tumblr have worked together before, and you can do it again. Help me get this out there. God bless.

I cried reading this, this is what life is about, not about how many followers you have

this.. just wow can’t believe this actually happened..

OMG THIS. I CRIED :(

Omg… this is just…. i cried too :’(

i just cant stop crying when i read this ;(

markmuldez:

Dear Satan,

FIRST of all, you have no idea that I will write you this letter. You didn’t see this coming, why? because you’re not like my Savior Jesus Christ who knows my every thoughts & my heart from the inside out. Poor you, you can only feed thoughts in my head and not read my mind. Your only hope is if I bite back, and I have to admit.. I do, sometimes. But that’s okay.

I purposely wanted for you to read this. As God as my witness and my other fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I will express what I feel about you, why? So that we can all stand against you and your lame deceiving lies.

SECOND I want you to know that I HATE you and the evil that you bring.

I know.. hate’s a pretty strong word. But Scriptures says:

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. - Romans 12:9

I think it’s safe for me to say ‘Satan you’re evil therefore I HATE you.’ I know I’m commanded to love my neighbor and my enemys. But Obviously you’re not human so you’re definitely not my neighbor. So just to make things clear, you are an enemy & you’re evil, therefore I shall hate you because you are evil.

LAST thing, before I continue with this last thought, I have to warn you, I don’t think you wanna read this last part, Because I know you’ve read this part from somewhere, I think it’s the last book of the bible called REVELATION.. and I don’t think you wanna be reminded of what I’m about to say, But I will do it anyway.

As much as I fall for your lies, and deceiving ways, and the thoughts that you put in my head, and how some days I stumble, I want you to know that..

YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!

You know who has power over you? Jesus Christ. He died on the Cross and He rose from the grave proving that He is fully human and fully God. He paid for my sins (past, present & future) I’ve been bought and redeemed by His precious blood. He owns me, you don’t.

Did I forget to mention that He is The Ultimate and Righteous Judge. The One who will judge the living and the dead.. that includes you.

I hope you’re trembling with fear right now.. you should be, by being reminded by this. Because I know, and you know, WE ALL KNOW, that at the very end of this life, it says in Revelation, that you Satan,

who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where him and his angels had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever. - Rev 20:10

I may fall from your dark schemes and lies from time to time, but that won’t stop me from Loving and following God. I will strive to stand against you by the power of the Holy Spirit that’s living inside of me.

At the end of the day, that’s all you can do, tempt me. Lie to me. hoping you can stray me away from God and drag me down to hell with you? That’s not gonna fly with me. My best advice for you is enjoy and have fun on what you’re doing now, because when ‘this’ all over, I don’t think you’ll enjoy being tormented in HELL.

P.S. - Dear Followers, re-blog so other brothers & sister who are struggling can be encouraged!

- Mark Muldez (markmuldez.tumblr.com)

”find out who you are and do it on purpose”.. - Dolly Parton

robotstellingstories:

Ill always miss you. But it gets easier with every day.

(Source: mystandards)

(Source: youthtransformationlink)

that-filipino-kid:

This will not ruin your blog. Everyone say a prayer for the baby they found in the bin and ants were eating it. If you have a heart you’d pass this on.

(Source: azadasmotaylasabiduria)